Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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