my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
