Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
