It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
