I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
