She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize