yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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