I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
