You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
