He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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