Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
