haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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