Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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