i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
