My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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