you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
