The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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