Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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