good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
