every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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