That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize