Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
