And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
