If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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