Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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