so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize