It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
