spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
