I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
