I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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