end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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