3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
