glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize