We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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