fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
