Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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