My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
