Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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