i already hear my dad disowning me
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
