you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
