I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
