just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
