I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
