My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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