I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
