So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize