Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
