He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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