It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
