all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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