my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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