Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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