i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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