Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
