This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize