I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
