I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
