hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Why can't burritos get me drunk
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
