i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
