i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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