so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
