lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
