I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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