i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
