what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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