You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He has the fingertips of a God
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
