belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
