Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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