HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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