She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
