so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
