i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
